THE SOULMATE QUEEN

DOROTHY THOMPSON

Is Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates?

By: Dorothy Thompson

Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of nine years left her for a twenty-something barmaid in San Francisco. This being her third marriage, she felt three was the charm and he showed all the qualities in a soul mate and a marriage partner that no one had ever shown her. Then this. After this traumatic experience, she closed off her heart to future relationships, giving up on the theory that you can find THE ONE who meets all your goals and expectations.

Jennifer Quigley*, fresh out of college, had enough of her share of "flings" and was ready for that someone special to enter her life. However, after every date ended up in the bedroom, she vowed that she was going to give up dating altogether. "It's just not worth it," she said. "There just are no more good guys left. I'd rather stay home with my cat or go out with friends."

Joseph Freemont* married his childhood sweetheart fresh out of high school. After graduation, they married and one and a half years later, became the proud parents of a strapping baby boy they named Michael. Two years later, another child joined their family and then a year later, the third child was born. Joseph was a good father as well as a good husband, delighting his wife with anything her heart desired. He laughed at his good luck and never took advantage of the situation by treating every day with his family as if it were the first. Twenty years to the day they married, Joseph lost his wife to terminal cancer. He grieved to the point where he could not come to grips with her passing and decided from that day forward he would never look at another woman again.

What do these three people have in common?

They have all given up on looking for their soul mates altogether and have closed off that path of their journey which is necessary for total self-growth and the discovery of the higher self.

While they have entered a comfort zone inside themselves to ward off the pain, they have closed it to whatever soul mates who might enter their lives in the future. When they put up this shield, they have also cut off a very necessary part of their life's journey.

And why is this bad?

The reason is that, unknowingly, they have severed an important and vital part of their well-being. They have retreated within themselves to the point where finding love has no meaning anymore. And, in so doing, they have opened themselves to the prospects of getting stress-related diseases and losing what zest they have left in their lives.

In the case of Joseph, grieving is a natural process and one that should be completed before he even thinks about carrying on another relationship. If he were to jump right into a relationship, without going through the entire healing process, only disastrous results would occur.

However, in time, Joseph will heal and he will start to feel those old feelings of having someone to share his life with. Whether he acts on these impulses, it all depends on whether he is comfortable within himself to do so. This will take a lot of time for Joseph to come to this point, but he has to realize that shielding himself from his other soul mates is not going to help him heal.

By allowing these soul mates to enter his life, he will realize for what reason his deceased wife came into his life and left so abruptly. It's all a learning process and one in which Joseph needs to enter in order for him to release the negativity he is bestowing on himself in the name of grief.

Francine and Jennifer are merely products of bad relationships. Both figure what's the point? Until they release this negative thinking, they will bring this baggage into whatever future relationships that may be in stow for them and it will be a pattern they will continue until they realize that this negative thinking is what is preventing them from finding their true soul mates and finding the happiness they are looking for.

Baggage from past relationships shouldn't hinder you from giving up on finding your soul mate. Once you understand that they all served purposes towards your self-growth - even the bad ones - and you can work through the karma associated with it, you're that much closer to finding your higher self. It's your higher self where you find the life, the creativity and the love you deserve.

*names have been changed

THE PET PAL!

LORE SPLITT

Our Pet Pal, Loré Splitt, is away. We will see her upon her return!

COLUMNIST AND MASTER GARDENER

BARBARA CARVALLO

The Shadow of Loneliness

by Barbara Carvallo

In your garden, filled with blooms, at your table, surrounded by friends, in your work place, buzzing with activity, do you ever see the faintest of shadows flit over the lawn or past a window freezing your heart strings and numbing your mind? That is loneliness, and it is no respecter of space or time.

Many of us have known the shadow's name since childhood. Other's come to know in the face of death, rejection or some other trauma. Once realized it is a thing that will not leave us, as if it were lonely itself and craving our company.

Loneliness casts pallor over hearts and minds, stipulating without reservation that we stand before blind eyes and speak to deaf ears. Kept in its company too long we become convinced of our own invisibility and inability to achieve the smallest of things. I suppose some call that depression. I do not. Depression is organic; loneliness is a byproduct of conditioning.

What else can you call it in a world where you are what you own, money is more important than life forms, the narrow criteria for physical attractiveness fits .2% of the population and there is no other kind of attractiveness accepted? It is disheartening to believe that the gifts you value most in yourself are of no value to the world, and the things the world values are meaningless to you. This is the crack in the door through which loneliness enters.

If you could set loneliness down and have a conversation with it, might it go something like this?

"Loneliness, I have a question for you."
"Yes?"
"Why are you here?"
"You invited me."
"How?"
"By accepting definitions that aren't yours."
"The world is what the world is, Loneliness."
"No, the world is what you make it. It is only a perception."

The Zen Master tells us that we can't change the world, we can only change the way we view the world and the world will change. Maybe, but it is easier said than done. We are bombarded daily, blasted and saturated with images, ideas and philosophies that are designed to minimize, marginalize and mutilate the self. When one can have no faith in the world and loses faith in the self this becomes the natural place for the therapy of the spiritual.

It is my belief that the rivers and gardens of the spirit world are the true reality. The flowers there speak, the rivers dance and the winds sing. There is truth there because we make the definition; the definitions do not make us. I have to return to the spirit world from time to time and try to decide where I bought into something deleterious without knowing it consciously. When did I decide that I couldn't write because I have never been published? When did I accept the idea that I owe my employers more loyalty and human consideration than they owe me? When did I seize upon the thought that because I am a middle-aged woman, in a society where I became obsolete with the onset of Cronehood, I have to work harder than everyone around me to be half as good? Silly questions, perhaps, but the kind of questions that make one isolated, frightened and lonely.

When I realize the boundaries of the question, the answer and solution are manageable. The flowers laugh, the wind roars and the river congratulates me. Back at my kitchen table the shadow drifts past my window and out through the crack in the door to where the cool, High Country air is stirring the sweet grass.

I almost hope the loneliness returns. Jung was right, you learn from shadows.

A little about Barbara:"I am 56 years old and live in Colorado with my beloved husband, Bradley, three cats and 40 rose bushes. I am a Master Gardener which means that I don't vacation, I garden. I don't party, I garden. I don't shop, I garden.

AUTHOR AND QS FOUNDER

CATE CAVANAGH

The Quantum Mind

by Cate Cavanagh

I think a lot. I also write alot about what I call a "mind shift". Briefly, this is a phenomenon that occurs as a result of concerted efforts made in realigning thoughts and perceptions in conjunction with appropriate action.

I have been in the darkest places of my shadow self where sorrow, lack of self esteem and hope blinded me to my own potential. I also faced illnesses that put me off the side of living for long periods of time during which it seemed my life was forever in limbo and I lacked the tools to jumpstart myself onto anything.

As a writer with a disability and a chronic pain patient for almost ten years I was faced yet again, when I learned of the disabling nerve disease I have, with a physical condition that challenged my self definition and and sense of self. The nightmare that is my shadow world was looming but I chose to not be defined by my disablity.

For the fourth time in my life I faced a real and potentially dangerous place healthwise. How did I move forward? How did I regain my sense of self and personal spirit power? Firstly, I got angry. For the many who follow my writings, anger is a theme that comes up often in my work. It comes up in my writings because I believe that anger, if caught before it becomes toxic and evolves into rage, can be a pwoerful tool for healing. The energy and power generated by anger, if redirected, can do amazing things. In addition to this, anger is a great motivator if we can only move beyond feeling sorry for ourselves. Anger also helps us see not only what we are upset about but also what we desire and discovering this, we can choose to do the productive thing--shifting our energies toward what we desire instead of languishing on the sidelines hoping to be rescued. Hoping to be rescued brings about nothing for the only ones that can rescue us from our challenges are ourselves.

The other thing I did was think of others more challenged than I--tsunami victims, New Orleans and yes, all those starving people our mothers always told us about. When I had days when it was painful for me to walk, I thought of those who could not walk at all and who would have gladly suffered my pain to be able to do so. It is all how we perceive our unique situations afterall.

The Tao teaches if you go about life without resistence, your path in life and the subtle joys it holds will come to pass. Yet, how many times do we resist blessings because we talk ourselves out of them by choosing instead to only see our hardships? These days life does seem harder than it has been for many years and many people are affected and yes, there is justification for the fears, anger and depression many have but, does this mean we must accept fear, anger and depresssion as the moment to moment yolk under which we bow?

The other day I was remembering a man from many years back...

I lived most of my life in Brooklyn, New York. I was an avid power walker as was a friend of mine. We would do out daily walks separately and then meet early on Sunday mornings to walk together in Prospect Park and then have breakfast. The first time we did this among the joggers and walkers there was a man who was hunched over with scoliosis and seriously palsied. He was struggling to keep his own pace and teetered on his feet as if to fall at any moment. My friend and I nodded to him and he back at us obviously pleased that he was doing this.

As the months passed, we saw him every Sunday morning in the park, walking. A bitter winter followed and we opted to sit out Sunday mornings but continued our own walking routines during the week. Some months passed and with spring coming in, we met one Sunday morning to resume our routine.

As we walked, we saw our "friend". He was totally different. He was no longer stooped over with scoliosis! Nor did he teeter on his feet anymore. He was walking quickly and proudly and he was transformed! As I remembered this man the other day, I connected the dots--he chose who he was to be. He simply decided to go out and walk and enjoy this activity for he was able to walk, even if arkwardly. Following the principle the Tao teaches, as he did what he enjoyed, he gained something more: incredible mobility and a straight back. Here is the example of a mind shift that only took a choice to enjoy being outside walking.

Imagine the mind shift that could happen for any of us, if we only tried. Imagine how, like this man, we might be empowered if we worked our own will a little bit more than we normally do!

What can we each do day to day to bring out a positive outcome even if it is unforeseen? This gentleman had no idea what he would gain when he began his walking regimen. How could he? He walked his own path, to his own drummer if you will, and discovered a new way of being.

Recently I began T'ai Chi in the hopes of maintaining what little flexibility I had in my spine. I had been on high doses of seizure medication for some years as seizure medication has proven effective for pain related to the nerve damage I suffer. Initially, even the briefest of mild workouts gave me soreness in addition to the numbing, burning pain that kept me awake for months and months at a clip, even with medication. By the second week, I noticed a sharp decrease in the pain that kept me up awake night after night after night. By the third week I chose to begin reducing my medication just to see what would happen. By the fourth week, I reduced it again. By the fifth week I made the goal of being medication free. As of today it has been three weeks since I stopped the medication completely!

What began for me as a form of stretching to tegain flexibility is now my regimen for pain control! Like that gentleman, I began with a simple goal and reaped a greater reward without trying. My mind began to shift and I chose a purpose-a goal which I never would have considered before.

Right now, twenty minutes a day keeps my pain manageable. These twenty minutes helped me move beyond my pain, which I never expected. It has also supported my conviction to not
identify myself as a victim of the nerve disease I have. In other words, I can now choose to be free of medication.

I am not saying T'ai Chi is the panacea for all things medical but what I am saying is that, for me, I gained more than controlling a painfully rigid spine. If I had not chosen to begin my regimen despite my pain, I would never have known this option.

There is also the power of the mind itself. Mother Myriam and I were talking about the mind recently and how if the mind believes the body will die, it will. Remember the "Matrix" movie? If the shadow self within the matrix died, the corporeal body would also. This is the power of the mind!

Sometimes we need to take a side trip and do something a little different in order to discover an unfolding of a good, new experience- like that gentleman in the park, like my T'ai Chi empowering my mind to better control my pain, like experiencing a little something unique that will enable us to know what a "mind shift" is.

Like that gentlemen who discovered freedom from his palsied state by accident, we can find ourselves in the middle of a mind shift and find ourselves refusing to accepting of our chllenges if we would only refuse to be our own victims.

Sometimes we need to meander to just see what if.....

It has been said "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" (Negro College Fund) but I say a mind shift is a terrible thing not to choose.

Cate
Please note: I do no endorse stopping medical care. Medical care in conjunction with alternative professional help can be very beneficial. Keep in mind I am an adept at quantum work and formed this discipline based on many years of development.

QUANTUM EXERCISE TO REDUCE STRESS



There have been times in my life where mental clutter was ruling my life. As a person who is bi-polar mental clutter (or issues and worries) can take on a life of its own.

Mental ruminating disrupted my sleep on many occasions and invaded otherwise beuatiful days making me my own enemy as I fought to find mental calm.

As a result of this I sought to empty out the vessel that was my mind through meditation. My problem as a bi polar person is that meditation often opened my mind to have the very thoughts I wanted to quell race through my mind even more.

All I wanted was to not keep thinking the same thing! If you are bi-polar, you know what I am talking about. If you are not, you might know someone who has said the same thing.

But, being a Quantum Metaphysician leaves me impatient because afterall I know better now. Ah, if I only knew then what I know now! *wink*

What I know now is how to take that mental break!

In all meditation forms, breathing is extremely important so this quantum exercise to relieve the restless mind does rely on breathing technique as well.

Learning to breathe properly relaxes the body and relieves tension and here is how you begin. Sit or lay quietly. Slowly breathe in through your nose and then slowly out through your mouth. In the beginning try to do this to a count of "fifteen" to breathe in and fifteen to breathe out. If you are unable to do this, do the best you can. Eventually you will be able to breathe in for thirty seconds and out for thirty seconds without feeling uncomfortable.

As you are mastering this simple technique, you can begin to work on clearing the mind as well. In the beginning you do not have to attempt to do both. If you are very stressed out, this can be difficult so work these two technique separately and then begin doing them together when you feel ready.

To clear the mind, sit or lay quietly and simply think of the color black. You are using the mind to envision nothing but keep in mind the mind cannot hold two thoughts at the same time.

At first your mind mind may jump from the color black to a thought and back again. This is perfectly fine. In time, you will be able to hold the thought of the color black for longer periods of time.

Eventually, when you begin to feel stress you will be able to fall upon this mental black out as an escape. This in conjunction with mastering the technique will in time enable you to control what you think about!

Cate

Now put focus into your desires by routinely doing The Quantum Mantra:

I see it, I smell it, I taste it, I hear it, I OWN IT!

SPIRITUAL COACH AND NEW COLUMNIST!

COLUMNIST KIM LOFTIS

The Courage to Keep On Singing

© 2006 Kim Loftis

Like most Americans, I can vividly remember almost every detail of the day the twin towers fell. That evening, I wept uncontrollably, unable to fathom the tragedy that had befallen my beloved country. I felt afraid, helpless, and, most of all, totally hopeless.

Yet, in the face of such an unspeakable tragedy, the American people stood together in order to rebuild our lives and mend our broken hearts. Once again, we were able to find our voice as a nation, and raise it Heavenward.

This morning, it was again demonstrated to me just how wonderful and downright tenacious nature, and the human spirit, is! I was awakened by a tremendous storm. Lightning streaked madly across a blackened sky, thunder rattled the windows, and the rain gushed in torrents. The wind picked up, snapping off limbs and branches and causing general chaos.

As the storm cleared and the sun began to peek over the horizon, the birds began their lovely morning chorus, lifting their sweet voices heavenward in joyous
song. When the huge gusts of wind seemed to threaten to blow them straight off of their perches, they still sang as joyously as ever before. The wind and weather wasn't a deterrent to their song, and didn't dampen their joy in the slightest.

We can take a lesson from these birds, and from the Sept. 11 tragedy. No matter which way the wind blows us in life, no matter the violence of the storms or the fierceness of the lightning strikes, no matter what burning buildings we are forced to walk out of, let us always remember that we, like those precious birds, were put here with a song to sing. Our road may not be smooth all the time, but let us not forget the importance of singing our song, of discovering and fulfilling our life's purpose, and of brightening our world in whatever way we can. God placed us here to raise our voices in joyous song. Let us sing for all we're worth!